Four US families break down their parenting budget: ‘The amount we spend on our children is ridiculous’

‘I refuse to buy my children Golden Goose shoes because I don’t want my 14-year-old wearing shoes that everyone knows cost $600.’

Children cost a lot of money. In the US, the average cost of raising a child from birth to age 18 is $237,482, according to one 2023 study. And that’s just the price of the “bare bones” expenses – necessities like rent, food and childcare. In the UK, raising a child costs on average £223,256.

But those numbers can feel abstract. So, to get a better understanding of what parenting costs really look like, we asked four sets of parents to break down how much they spend on their child or children per month.

Kevin, 45, and Karen, 44 (pseudonyms)

Annapolis, Maryland

Occupations: Surgeon and homemaker

Household income: About $850,000

Three children, ages 11, 14, 17

Kevin: I have a wonderful relationship with my wife and we spend most of our time with our kids. We really don’t have any major pursuits outside of the family, so all the money I make goes into them.

The amount we spend on our children is fairly ridiculous. Most in our circle do the same thing, and I am actually more moderate than some of my peers. I refuse to buy my children Golden Goose shoes because I don’t want my 14-year-old wearing shoes that everyone knows cost $600.

Annapolis is an expensive town, and this is the going rate for life in certain circles. It’s all a bit much. That being said, I have other family members who live far more extravagant lifestyles with $11m vacation homes and houses on private ski mountains in Montana, etc. So when you look at it that way, I’m small potatoes.

Housing: $5,824 monthly mortgage

Food: $100 for school lunch, $1,358 on groceries and restaurants and $200 on a Target card ($164.94 of this was spent on Starbucks)

Education: Next year, all three kids will attend the same $30,000-a-year private school. The combined monthly tuition for the three of them will be $7,500.

Transportation: The 17-year-old has her own car, a used VW Taos that I bought for $28,000. She drives the 14-year-old and herself to school. Gas is usually $150 a month. I have an electric vehicle and do some driving, but my wife does most of the driving to sports practices, etc, in her SUV. Gas for her is about $300 a month.

Healthcare: $2,083 a month for the whole family

Clothes: About $400 a month for all three kids combined

Activities: My two daughters play club lacrosse. The club fee is $2,575 a year, per kid – so, $430 a month. This does not include the gas and hotel fees for the eight to nine tournaments each year that are often a two to five hour drive from Annapolis. This year, we paid for 10 nights in hotels at the cost of about $200 a night – so, about $166 a month.

Travel: We take some very expensive vacations. A five-day all-inclusive to Turks and Caicos this year was $16,000. We spent 10 days in London and Paris last year and it probably cost $30,000.

Savings: A Maryland 529 (a college investment plan) to which we have contributed $415,000

Monthly total: About $18,500

Hannah, 33, and Matt, 37

Cleveland, Ohio

Occupations: Ballet teacher, radio writer/production engineer

Household income: $45,000

One child, agetwo and a half, and another on the way

Hannah: Our income fluctuates from month to month and year to year so it can be tricky to budget exactly how much we should spend on kids. If I were being fully responsible, I would spend almost nothing. But sometimes I just want to buy the $5 romper at the thrift store and not worry about it. Thankfully this strategy has worked thus far. I never feel like our money is that tight because we have everything we need, but writing it all out, I guess it is.

My biggest financial worry with children is how we will afford them doing activities if they take after my husband and I artistically. Music, dance, etc are far out of our budget, but the odds of them wanting to try those things are high. If they have an interest, I want them to be able to pursue it, but right now I don’t see how that’s possible.

Housing: $900 monthly mortgage, plus utilities

Food: About $600 per month of groceries. This includes diapers. Lots of Aldi trips and meal planning keep costs low.

Childcare: When preschool starts in a year, that will be $100-$200 a month. We should qualify for some assistance from the school. I don’t know where the money is going to come from for that, especially with a second kid in the mix.

Transportation: $200 a month for gas. My daughter doesn’t add much to that bill though; most of it is commuting and errands. She rides free when we take transit.

Healthcare: My husband’s company has a generous HSA contribution, which we use for our daughter’s occasional hospital visit copays. We qualify for our county hospital’s assistance program, so her prenatal care and birth cost us nothing.

Clothes/toys: We have a $75-100 a month kid budget, and her clothes, toys and other supplies come from that. Almost all her clothes are thrifted. Ditto with any large toy purchases. Christmas and birthday gifts are about $100-$150 total on top of that.

Activities: She just started toddler soccer for $60 a month. We can’t really afford it, but she needs to be in a class environment before she starts preschool at three.

Savings: No savings for her; putting away a little into retirement is as much as we can do.

Other: I don’t think we’d have a Disney+ subscription if it weren’t for her. That’s $10 a month.

Monthly total: About $1,770.

Nasih, 37, and Jainab, 33

Fargo, North Dakota

Occupations: Graduate teaching assistants

Household income: $35,000

Three children, agesfive, seven and nine

Nasih:I want to earn more to spend more on them. Without food pantries and free school meals, it would have been difficult to raise my kids. I talk to them about our money situation. At the same time, I give them hope that we are going to have a better future once I obtain my PhD.

Housing: $715 monthly rent (going up to $754 in August)

Food: About $600 per month. We buy groceries from Walmart mainly. And for some South Asian flavor, we buy spices and fish items from Asian food stores sometimes. We also depend on food pantries.

Childcare and education: About $50 per year. Our children receive free education and free lunch at the public school they attend. Sometimes we get free school supplies. When we first arrived here, we got childcare for our youngest daughter, who was three, but it was beyond our means: $600 a month. We decided not to continue, and asked our professors for more flexibility. Now, my wife and alternate days we attend our classes online and in person.

Transportation: During the school year, we use free public transportation. But public transport is very poor in Fargo. It is only good for getting to campus. [At other times,] we use our car. Gas is $50 to $65 a month.

Clothes and toys: About $400 a year. We buy shoes once a year. We don’t buy clothes monthly. Mostly, we buy them from Walmart or thrift stores, and we brought a lot of clothes from Bangladesh. For toys, they play Legos. And we have lots of stuffed dolls, many that we got for free.

Healthcare: Our children have no health insurance. They get sliding fees at Family Health Care. Whenever we go, it’s a $30 copay. My wife and I are required to pay for health insurance, which costs $2,000 each a year.

Monthly total: About $760

Carol (pseudonym), 59

Maineville, Ohio

Occupation: Editor, self-employed

Household income: Roughly $41,000 a year, but it varies

Three adult children, including two, ages 26 and 24, who live with her

Carol: I have two daughters and a son. The girls chose professions that simply don’t pay enough to keep up with the skyrocketing costs of rent, food, insurance and healthcare. My daughters are not slackers. They work hard. So, for now (while I’m able), I allow them to live at home rent-free so they can save up enough money and have a sense of security when they move out on their own. They are required to help out around the house as their careers allow.

This generation in their 20s seems to have quite a bit of anxiety and depression about the state of the world. They despair about ever being able to live the “American dream” their grandparents had. I cannot, in good conscience, “push the baby birds from the nest” and hope they’ll survive, when I can see that the numbers simply don’t work.

Housing: $1,414 monthly mortgage, plus utilities

Food: $410 a month on average. That includes an average grocery bill of $280 a month, and $130 for restaurants.

Transportation: Both of my daughters drive their own cars and pay all the associated expenses.

Healthcare: $260-$280 a month. My older daughter pays her own health insurance premiums and medical bills, but her dad and I pay for two therapy sessions a month (I pay $80 of the $160 bill). My younger daughter is still on her dad’s healthcare plan, and my ex and I split the cost of her therapy and medications.

Gifts/miscellaneous: Last year I spent about $1,200 total for all three kids’ birthday and Christmas presents. Whenever a night out is planned, I end up paying for dinner at a nicer restaurant. That generally costs me about $350, so I can’t do that often.

Monthly total: About $2,080