We Are Broken So Others May Live: A Mother's Necessary Sacrifice

The author with her sons Manu (left) and Philip (right). RICA PERALEJO-BONIFACIO

This month that celebrates mothers, Smart Parenting asked different moms and moms-in-waiting to write to their fellow mothers. The first article from this series is written by Smart Parenting's Editor-at-Large, a mom of two, Rica Peralejo-Bonifacio.

I once read from a book that when this career woman mom was asked how she was able to do everything her answer was, "I don’t." And that, I think, is the gist of a mom’s life. I don’t do everything. I can’t do everything. Because I’m a mom.

In the hours between 8 and 6PM I could have done a lot of different work things. I could have met people of importance. I could have crafted stories and characters for bestsellers. I could have produced a video that would gain viral views. I could have more focus on training. I could work on better runs. But I’m not. Instead, I am potty training. I am refereeing fighting brothers. I am listening to Zeld, Minecraft, and Teen Titans talk. And because mom guilt is so real that I’d have to sneak in reading educational books to my sons while eating carrot sticks sometime in the day.

For dinner I could be cooking up a nice meal I’d enjoy. But that wouldn’t be cost-effective, so I eat what the boys would want for the night.

In bed I’d like to read or watch some TV series. But it is either the boys need more things, or I am too exhausted to do anything at all.

'Our bodies and hearts are broken, so we can let another live; our selves lost so another can be found, it is both beautiful and sad at once.' —Rica Peralejo-Bonifacio

I am a believer of me-time, self-love, but let’s face it, we can’t do everything that the self requires, needs, wants, and desires, when our children are within the window whereby they need just as much. Sacrifice is inevitable. And there is no way around it except to accept it even when no one really notices it.

But I do. I see you, Momma. I see through the choices, I see through the self-denials. I know everyone says it is worth it, and that is true. But I hope you also know it is okay to say "I miss my old self" or "I am missing out on another self" because I choose to put my family’s needs before mine.

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Someday, it will all tally. They will grow. They will not always be around. You will have more time for yourself and by then you are not used to not having them around. This is the tension of our life’s work as a mother. Our bodies and hearts are broken, so we can let another live; our selves lost so another can be found, it is both beautiful and sad at once.

Mama, Mommy, Nanay, I appreciate you, I understand you, I can see you. Thank you for all you do and do not do, just so everyone around you can be. May God bless you peace in knowing all this is not in vain. And may He grant you a vision of an even more wonderful time with yourself when you finally have it.

Rica Peralejo-Bonifacio is Smart Parenting's Editor-at-Large. She and her husband Joseph have two sons, Philip and Manu. She regularly shares her parenting thoughts on Poprica, her vlog on Smart Parenting's YouTube channel.